We don't know if it's the polka dance number, the authoritative father figure narrator, the chalkboard science illustration, or the leafy shower cap,  but there's something utterly charming about this old soap commercial. "People who like people like Dial." The subtext is pretty clear: Boys and girls, if you want to get a hot date, clean yourselves up. For the 50s, the lathering up in the shower scene seems a little risque, but then exposed elbows seemed risque then.

The most appealing part of this '50s breath mint ad, is it's reliance on science. The advertisers use a complicated breath analysis machine with an "indicator." What exactly the "indicator" indicates? That's anybody's guess really. The ad is brilliant on many levels. First, it lets you know that having bad breath is a social misstep that could cause you to be trapped inside a giant glass cake dish.  Then it assures you that there are scientists with hard-to-understand instruments that measure bad breath. Yours is terrible. But if you use the mints, it'll all work out. Whew.

Tired of those pesky black heel marks on your linoleum right after you wax? Well, your prayers have been answered. Glo-Coat floor wax is clearly an amazing product. After coating your floor with it, let it dry. Return, and as soon as you step into the room, a giant piece of Lucite will form under your feet. You will no longer need to walk around because the Lucite will fly you wherever you or your family and neighbors want to go!

Look at these hipsters go! They wouldn't be able to keep it up like that if it weren't for plenty of milk breaks. Next time you're tearing it up at a big club, be sure to rest for a moment by filling up on milk from the giant industrial container next to the dancefloor.

Once upon a time, people were allowed to openly drink beer in public parks. It was a simpler time maybe. Or maybe people just got shitfaced and beamed each other with softballs. Common utterance heard around the Stroh's softball game: "I got it! I got it!.... I don't got it."

In this 50s Folgers coffee commercial, Jane gets a dose of disapproval from her husband Harold when she serves bad coffee.  For it takes a hearty, man-pleasing brew to be a good '50s housewife.

The '50s housewife -- and instant coffee -- has since been replaced with a Starbucks on every corner. In another 50 years, what'll happen to Starbucks? Maybe there will be a Kopi Luwak joint on every corner where you can get coffee that's been digested by an Asian Palm Civet. That is some mountain-grown and civet-pooped coffee right there. To make the instant version, just mix in a little civet poop with your normal ground beans. Or better yet, replace the coffee you normally serve with civet poop crystals. (I think that was a later campaign. Or was it Maxwell House?) I wonder if Harold would shake his head in disapproval at that. Aw, Harold!!!!

Back in the stone age, it was apparently fashionable to smoke, even though man barely had mastered his use of fire. Well, maybe you shouldn't get all your history from the Flintstones. But as seen in the clip below, you shouldn't get all your health and nutrition information from them either. Yes, the same lovable characters--whose likenesses we ate nearly everyday in children's chewable vitamin form--pitched cigarettes for Winston back int 1960. Can you imagine this happening today?

We can't tell for sure if this is vintage or fake vintage. But we know that it's hilariously xenophobic either way.

This '50s ad for "Mum" brand deodorant played off of the film noir genre popularized in the '40s. From Lauren Bacall to Barbara Stanwyck, no actress fought odor better than Mum's femme fatale, a Hollywood hopeful who will remain anonymous, though immortalized as the Mum secret agent.

Faultless Starch sprays stars onto your clothes. At least, in the '50s it did. Back then, a woman was expected to stand by her man--with an ironing board, ready to send him to the board room in freshly pressed fabrics, starched to perfection with Faultless Starch, naturally. Nowadays, a guy might think twice before telling a woman she's got stars in her can.